After a 16 day vacation, I go back to work in 9 hours. A job I don't really want to work at, but since I insist on enjoying the finer things in life; I must. It's only for the summer until I become property of the United States government. I live in my dad's house for the summer too. I have really only been here a week and I don't really like it. This house reminds me of the old me, and it bugs me. I still am obligated to pay rent at my apartment in Mankato for another 2 months so I have to live somewhere free. As expected, my options are limited.
On the plus side, I bought new socks! Great success! The only having 5 pairs was getting old.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
age is in the eye of the beholder
So I get a haircut today and the woman cutting asks if I have any plans for the night. You know, just usual small talk exchanged at monthly trimmings. I tell her I have a paper to work on for school. Her next comment was "so you must be in the graduate program then?" I say no, undergrad. Her facial expression was one that indicated surprise. Which lead me to believe she thought either I was older than I really am or that 24 year olds should be in grad school. I have been predicted to be older than I really am by numorous people before. I always thought I appeared fairly young, but I guess not. One man told me I looked older because I never cry. Implying those who cry look much younger. Not sure where he gets his evidence for that theory.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
and its been awhile...
Hello to all who read my ramblings. It has been awhile since I have blogged my sometimes organized, but usually random thoughts. I should be working on my research review right now for Social Psychology class, but yeah, a little break never hurt anyone. I am in the library where most of my academic work is completed. I come to the library for a quiet sanctuary for my academic thoughts. Too bad the library here is NOT that. It does not matter where you go in here, people are freakin' talking all the time. People come into the QUIET STUDY AREA, clearly marked area, too study with their friends. Go somewhere else! There is a lot of library, please give those who want udder silence the privilege.
Oh and guess who is going back to Las Vegas when he graduates? This guy! This will be my third visit to sin city in the past year. The other two times left a little sour taste in my mouth. The first time was at the conclusion of a very long road trip. Our cash and energy levels were running very low. And we all know what happened when I was there in January. No explanation needed. This time, I am ready. Ready to soak in the Vegas experience, ready to have the time of my life with my favorite person in the world. We are going back and ready to do it real big. 4 days of fun, mayhem, and hopefully female nudity.
My Air Force future is still up in the air right now. I'm in, but now it sounds like I will be going to Officer Training School (OTS) in Montgomery, AL instead of enlisted basic training. I will officially know where and what I will be doing in June. My file has to pass the selection board at Randolph AFB in San Antonio to be accepted to OTS. A flight officer position would no doubt be a great honor. Flight navigators and air battle managers help create what the Air Force is famous for, along with pilots, but I do not qualify for the pilot position (terrible vision). Not only will I get out of Minnesota, but get to see the world. Something I feel I need. I need to know what else is in this world. Minnesota has been pretty good to me, but the moment I bid it farewell is approaching fast.
New Office episode on April 10th! Getting excited!
Oh and guess who is going back to Las Vegas when he graduates? This guy! This will be my third visit to sin city in the past year. The other two times left a little sour taste in my mouth. The first time was at the conclusion of a very long road trip. Our cash and energy levels were running very low. And we all know what happened when I was there in January. No explanation needed. This time, I am ready. Ready to soak in the Vegas experience, ready to have the time of my life with my favorite person in the world. We are going back and ready to do it real big. 4 days of fun, mayhem, and hopefully female nudity.
My Air Force future is still up in the air right now. I'm in, but now it sounds like I will be going to Officer Training School (OTS) in Montgomery, AL instead of enlisted basic training. I will officially know where and what I will be doing in June. My file has to pass the selection board at Randolph AFB in San Antonio to be accepted to OTS. A flight officer position would no doubt be a great honor. Flight navigators and air battle managers help create what the Air Force is famous for, along with pilots, but I do not qualify for the pilot position (terrible vision). Not only will I get out of Minnesota, but get to see the world. Something I feel I need. I need to know what else is in this world. Minnesota has been pretty good to me, but the moment I bid it farewell is approaching fast.
New Office episode on April 10th! Getting excited!
Friday, February 8, 2008
The Future
In my previous blog I expressed the impact of my greatest failure, to date atleast. Hopefully that will remain my biggest failure. I blog today, my first blog in quite some time really, an optimistic man. I found something that gave me the strength to get past that disappointment.
I have been accepted in the United States Air Force delayed enlistment program. In other words, I will be a future Airman (thats what the Air Force calls its soldiers, they aren't called privates or soldiers) in the world's most powerful aerial military branch. It feels really good to say that. Oh so good really. Not only do I have a future, but a really bright one. The Air Force will offer me opportunities and benefits that some can only dream about. The list of great things that I will be entitled to is long. I am really excited and happy to have this opportunity. I cannot wait until that day after I graduate basic training and tech school and I get to sew on those Airman First Class stripes on my sleeves. Most Airman do not get that honor for quite some time after tech school graduation, but an extensive college education gives me that honor.
I will get my chance to get out of Minnesota for awhile. Which has been my goal for quite sometime now, much to the dismay of some family members and friends. It is a little disheartening to leave behind some really good people, but I know and they know that I need this.
I do not know what my job will be yet. I will know in a couple of days and will also know what day I will be getting shipped to San Antonio, TX for basic training. I can almost picture the training instructors (Air Force's drill sargeants) screaming at me. Stay tuned to the blog to find out what job I get.
I have been accepted in the United States Air Force delayed enlistment program. In other words, I will be a future Airman (thats what the Air Force calls its soldiers, they aren't called privates or soldiers) in the world's most powerful aerial military branch. It feels really good to say that. Oh so good really. Not only do I have a future, but a really bright one. The Air Force will offer me opportunities and benefits that some can only dream about. The list of great things that I will be entitled to is long. I am really excited and happy to have this opportunity. I cannot wait until that day after I graduate basic training and tech school and I get to sew on those Airman First Class stripes on my sleeves. Most Airman do not get that honor for quite some time after tech school graduation, but an extensive college education gives me that honor.
I will get my chance to get out of Minnesota for awhile. Which has been my goal for quite sometime now, much to the dismay of some family members and friends. It is a little disheartening to leave behind some really good people, but I know and they know that I need this.
I do not know what my job will be yet. I will know in a couple of days and will also know what day I will be getting shipped to San Antonio, TX for basic training. I can almost picture the training instructors (Air Force's drill sargeants) screaming at me. Stay tuned to the blog to find out what job I get.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
FAIL
The worst 4 letter word out there. The words that made my life, my entire existence for these last few month, completely fall apart. Those words next to my name hurts worse than any other pain I can remember. Those words have also humbled me. For awhile, I thought my future was untouchable. I had doubts, but I always have doubts. I am a well known over reactionist.
I couldn't feel a thing for awhile after I left that large Las Vegas testing hall. How could I? I failed a personal history questionnaire and was not even told what specifically I failed. It could have been a few things, but I would sure like to know why my dream was shattered.
I can remember notifying friends and loved ones about my recent failure, but that is it. I can remember almost crying when I talked to my mom. Secretly, I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was still too numb.
I didn't know what to do or what to think. I just kept walking. Everyone knew how bad I wanted this. Everyone knew how hard I worked for it. And how much time, effort, and money was invested in this.
It was for nothing. I failed a test I could have filled out at home or online. There was no need to bring me all the way out there to take this test. I could have been told that my prior actions would interfere with getting a job offer and I could have moved on. Las Vegas Metro Police has kinda stabbed me in the back. I do not blame them for my failure. Do not get it twisted. I take full credit for my failure. But they didn't need to tell me that decisions are made on a totality of circumstances, because they were not. All the good things I have done and the successes I have achieved, were not even considered.
This had been my motivation for so long. It is difficult to find a new motivation now. What is going to drive me to keep getting good grades, to keep going to the gym to stay in shape, and to keep my head up? I think maybe I should use this failure as motivation. Because I know a lot of people got further in the hiring process and most of them will end up dropping out of the hiring process by voluntary or involuntary termination and I know that a few that do make it to the academy will drop out of that. LVMPD messed up. I believe that. I was ready to give my life to them. I believe they lost out. I did too, but they will lose more in the end. At least that is what I am going to tell myself. My motivation from here could be to spite the LVMPD. Could work...
I couldn't feel a thing for awhile after I left that large Las Vegas testing hall. How could I? I failed a personal history questionnaire and was not even told what specifically I failed. It could have been a few things, but I would sure like to know why my dream was shattered.
I can remember notifying friends and loved ones about my recent failure, but that is it. I can remember almost crying when I talked to my mom. Secretly, I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was still too numb.
I didn't know what to do or what to think. I just kept walking. Everyone knew how bad I wanted this. Everyone knew how hard I worked for it. And how much time, effort, and money was invested in this.
It was for nothing. I failed a test I could have filled out at home or online. There was no need to bring me all the way out there to take this test. I could have been told that my prior actions would interfere with getting a job offer and I could have moved on. Las Vegas Metro Police has kinda stabbed me in the back. I do not blame them for my failure. Do not get it twisted. I take full credit for my failure. But they didn't need to tell me that decisions are made on a totality of circumstances, because they were not. All the good things I have done and the successes I have achieved, were not even considered.
This had been my motivation for so long. It is difficult to find a new motivation now. What is going to drive me to keep getting good grades, to keep going to the gym to stay in shape, and to keep my head up? I think maybe I should use this failure as motivation. Because I know a lot of people got further in the hiring process and most of them will end up dropping out of the hiring process by voluntary or involuntary termination and I know that a few that do make it to the academy will drop out of that. LVMPD messed up. I believe that. I was ready to give my life to them. I believe they lost out. I did too, but they will lose more in the end. At least that is what I am going to tell myself. My motivation from here could be to spite the LVMPD. Could work...
Monday, December 31, 2007
ups and downs
Above is my official acceptance into the reserves. Took 9 months, but hey, Rome wasnt built in a day right? Thats the good news. The bad news....
I find myself becoming more and more unsure about this Vegas thing. I am confident that I will pass the written test, physical fitness test and that I would be able to do very well on the oral board examination (if given the chance). What scares me is the PHQ I have fill out right after the written test and the polygraph test. I just feel that I have made too many mistakes in my life for a police department to understand and still hire me. I have already passed a background for Minneapolis Reserves, but that was very tame and there was no polygraph. I can't lie or "forget" to mention something. I wish the department would do all the background shit first so out of town applicants like myself do not have to spend all this money and time to go out and test if our past is going to keep us from an academy spot. Why even let me take the test or the oral boards if there is something I cannot change that will hold me back? Everything I do and everything I have done since October has been for Vegas Metro. I have worked so hard in school, at work and in my free time to get ready for this. I do not know how to put in words just how bad I want this. If I get to the oral boards, it will be huge for me. I hope atleast. I want to tell them how bad I want this and the things I will be sacrificing for just a shot to prove myself. Do not judge me on such a small part of my life (my mistakes). Judge me on all the good I have done. I do the right thing atleast 95 percent of the time. I always show up for class, for work. And I have always been a good worker, I am not perfect, but I do well. I already gave up a good career to get where I am now. I could have taken the UPS driver job and already started a career. But I didn't. I couldn't. I came back to school. To learn. About law enforcement, because this is what I want and who I am. I know I am just spouting off random thoughts now. But its my blog, I don't have a diary and sometimes I just need to type up some thoughts.
Its true if I don't get this it will not be the end of the world. I do have other options, but to be totally honest; DO I REALLY WANT THOSE OPTIONS? I am not really a man that settles for second best. Kinda stubborn like that.
Oh and the next person that tells me it will be fine and tells me I will do great. I am going to punch you in the throat. You don't know that, I don't know that. Only the LVMPD knows if my past is acceptable enough. If you want to give me words of encouragement; just say good luck or hope everything works out the best; or anything similar to that.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Survey Deal
I know there is someone who probably would like to see this: Whats an act of service? Sex? If thats the case why didn't it just say sex? Is it a bad word? sex sex sex sex...hmmm does not feel like a bad word to me.
I feel loved when...
The Five Love Languages
My Primary Love Languages are probably Quality Time and Physical Touch
| My Detailed Results: | |
|---|---|
| Quality Time: | 8 |
| Physical Touch: | 8 |
| Acts of Service: | 7 |
| Words of Affirmation: | 5 |
| Receiving Gifts: | 2 |
About this quiz
Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.
Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.
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